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"Dear Signore Dirrettore,

Now I am tella you a story how I was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as younga christian man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella: 'I wanna shit!' They tella me: 'Go to toilet'. I say 'no, no. I wanna shit in my bed.' They say: 'You better not shit in your bed you sonnawabitch!' What is a sonnawabitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante, I order bacon and eggs and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and pointa of toast: 'I wanna piss'. She tella me 'go to toilet'. I say: 'No, no. I wanna piss on my plate!'. She then say to me: 'You bloody hella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch!' What is a sonnawabitch?

Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: 'I wanna fock!' and she tella me: 'Sure everybody wanna fock!' I tella her: 'no no. You dont

understand me. I wanna fock on the table!' She tella me: 'So you sonnawabitch wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here!'

So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanna stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the billa, the portier say to me: 'Thank you and peace on you'. I say: 'Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch! I go back to Italy! I never comma stay at your hotella,' your sonnawabitch!"

Football news:

Cavani has returned to training and is likely to play against Crystal Palace
Fabio Capello, Juventus played Rugby against the Port. Only Ronaldo and Chiesa can make a difference in this squad
Neymar: I posted how I was recovering from my injury, and I didn't get any messages saying, Wow, what a professional. No
Ole Gunnar Solscher: The work of the judges is very difficult and without additional pressure. We have to make their decisions
Joan Laporta: I'm sure Messi won't stay at Barca if I don't win the election. He gives the club 30% of revenue
Trent had idolized Gerrard since he was a kid, and he was in a fairy tale: he got Steven's care and the captain's armband. The story of a great relationship
Hazard's recovery from the injury is delayed. He probably won't play against Atletico on March 7